Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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