Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
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