He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
