I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
