You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
