It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
