just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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