You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
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I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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