i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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