the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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