Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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