We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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