Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you had me at cake vodka
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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