so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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