Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
