Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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