I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
