I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
