Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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