Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
