last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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