i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
