Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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