I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
