i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
