Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
