I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
