Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How many fucks given?
0.12846
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
