you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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