She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
