I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
