We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
