I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
