Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize