well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
