Don't make out with my wife yet
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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