do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
