they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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