shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
