Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
