We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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