I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
