Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
