our cab driver is having phone sex.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
