I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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