so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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