The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
