i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
