oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
