The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he thought i was a dude.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
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I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize