I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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