i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
