Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
