You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
