i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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