I am in a vortex of obligation.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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