I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
