I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
